


Baby, i'm a wreck when I'm without you

by Callum_Diaz



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Flashbacks, Hybrid Alexis | Quackity, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Mentioned Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callum_Diaz/pseuds/Callum_Diaz
Summary: They didn't fight often, they knew how to fix their issues calmly. But today was not one of those days.---
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 264





	Baby, i'm a wreck when I'm without you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! As always, just wanted to remind you that english is not my first language, so I would appreciate if you could left your criticism and opinion on the comments :]
> 
> This does not contain smut, but I do write smut, so if your not comfortable with that I would recommend you to not consume my content. 
> 
> // Panic attack , Referenced abuse

"And you always do that! You always leave me alone." Yelling. It was so uncharacteristic, that house was always quiet, filled with soft talking or muffled giggles. But never yelling, because both of them hated it, it made things unnecessary awkward, and they could always fix their issues with words.

"And i am so fucking tired, because I am the stupid whore who has to stand you! I am the one who has to tolerate your shitty moods, i am the one who has to fight to get A WORD out of you sometimes." Quackity has been talking this whole time, it started as a serious talk that soon transformed into a heated monologue, Techno was looking at him waiting for him to get it out of his chest, he was mad he really was, but he didn't like interrupting and he hoped that after his lover's rant he could go and explain his point of view.

"And I am your boyfriend, I am the one who you should try to explain the shit that's going on your mind, you open up with Phil and not me! I live with you. I wake up every morning by your side, and you can't even tell me what the fuck is wrong, why the fuck you are so serious, or why the fuck you push me when I try to hug you. I need you to talk to me. And I've tried, I've really tried to make this a nice conversation, but you know what you do? You avoid this, this conversation in particular. And this is the only thing that actually bothers me about you and you don't seem to be willing to work on it" his wings were almost completely open, his eyes were flaming and watery on the verge of crying. He was panting he hadn't yelled or talked for so long in a while. Techno sighed and was gathering his thoughts getting ready to give his lover answers or to explain himself. "I don't want to listen to you." And he opened his eyes in shock, what did Quackity say?

"I am sick and tired of you. I'm not listening to your voice today, I can't." And he turned around, with his wings wide open and his confidence through the roof. And if Techno wasn't mad before, now he is.

"No, Quackity, you don't leave me like that. I need to say a few things to you." He walked a few steps, his voice was calm and was expecting for the hybrid to turn around and listen to him. But he didn't, he kept walking towards the door. "Quackity, look at me when I'm talking to you."

And he tried to grab his arm but he didn't catch it so he grabbed his wing only to pull him closer, and then grab his arm. Quackity looked at him, but Techno didn't see the fear flash through his eyes for a few seconds, he only saw the annoyance. "Don't fucking touch me." That made him go deeper into his ange; the disgusted tone and the way his face just looked at his hand and then back up at him, it made him furious.

"I touch you when I please Quackity. We need to talk." He was too focused on himself to notice the way his lover froze at those words, and he didn't realize that the younger grabbed his hand in pure despair, not disrespect.

Techno grabbed his other arm, taking a step forward, making Quackity take a step back. He could feel his wing touching the wall, it was light, but he felt trapped, even if Techno was leaving him with plenty of room to move and breath, he felt trapped, he felt like the air was too thick, like the room was getting smaller each second those hands were on him.

Techno's grip was not even strong, but the way his voice sounded angry and was getting lauder and darker every time he spoke was enough to make Quackity breathe heavily.

"Now you're going to listen to me." Techno was talking loudly, so uncharacteristic. "understood?" No answer, that was making him more annoyed. He squeezed the bird arm, not realizing the way he jumped and let out a whimper. "It that understood, Quackity?"

The younger nodded, desperately. "Yes, yes, Techno, i do understand. Please let go of my arm. Please."

"No. Now listen to me." Quackity could feel the fear, he knew he wasn't in danger, he knew Technoblade was nothing like him, but the fear settled on his chest and shoulders, and he couldn't breathe. The hands on his arms made him freeze, he didn't even feel like he could fight back.

"You can just yell at me for hours on end, and then fuckin leave, Quackity. I listened to all the things you had so say, now you're gonna listen to every single word i say." Quackity nodded, tears streaming down his face. But the taller man didn't notice, his vision and mind was filled with fog, he couldn't realize what he was doing, he wasn't aware to who he was talking to, the way he was grabbing this poor traumatized bird, he forgot the way he grabbed him by his wings, he forgot about the torture that his beautiful boy had gone through, he forgot how careful he had to be with him.

"I am also tired, Quackity. I'm tired of your childish tantrums and how you whine about everything. I am tired of you sometimes." his hands were almost digging into the younger's skin, he had pushed him against the wall without even realizing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please let me go. I am so sorry, I really am, I will never disrespect you again... Schlatt, please let me go, I'm sorry, I mean it. '' Techno was back, looking at the ugly tears on his lover's face, how he was grabbing his arm, the way he was shaking under his touch, how he was holding back tears, how he couldn't breathe. "Schlatt, don't hurt me, please, I'll be good, I'll be good for you, please don't" he got his hands off him, and Quackity crumbled into the floor, shaky and sobbing uncontrollably. Techno took a step back, scared. But the way Quackity reacted made him feel sick.

"No no no, please, don't go, don't leave Schlatt." Quackity grabbed his leg and looked up at him, still crying, completely gone. "I'll be good, Schlatt. I won't fight, i promise." He felt like vomiting, like hitting his head against a wall. He had done that, he had made Quackity feel like he was unsafe... Again.

He knelt in front of him, and put his trembling hands on his shoulders. "Quackity. Quackity." The ravenette looked at him, with hopeful eyes filled with dazed and twisted love. "You came back."

"Quackity, you're safe. I am not Schlatt." The bird looked so confused he looked at him with lost eyes, he was not there yet. "What?" His voice was broken, disoriented.

"Darling, you're having a flash black. He's not here anymore." He stayed silent, looking at the hands on his shoulders. "Can I touch you?" He said, moving his hands away and leaving room for the hybrid to think. He didn't answer, he looked at his lover's hands, eyes wide open in pure terror. Then he started shaking his head, grabbing his hair, asking for forgiveness to a devil only he could see. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Schla--- " Eyes wide open again, Schlatt was dead, and he knew that.

"Breathe for me." A sweet voice got to his ears, he didn't know who it belonged to, but he couldn't care less, he listened. "You are having a flashback. I need you to tell me what you see." A flashback? Since how long was Schlatt dead? Did he mourn him? What happened? "Quackity, where are you, describe where you are." Silence.

"I am... At the white house... Am I not?" Silence again.

"Keep going, you can do this."

"I am on the floor... It's really dark, it's raining, I'm not sure." He stopped, he didn't feel like he could keep going.

"I'm going to put my hand on yours, is that okay?" He nodded, he was so scared, but the voice sounded so sweet, he couldn't deny it. He felt a big hand on his, feeling scared for a second, but he realized how the hand was soft and touched him carefully, like if it was scared to hurt him.

"I was... With Schlatt... Isn't he dead? He grabbed me and didn't let go... I could feel his nails digging in my skin... Then he let me go, he looked so disgusted by me... I can never be good enough, can i?"

"Can you describe where you are now?"

He opened his eyes, and Techno felt like he was looking past his soul. "I- I don't know... It's... I can see the white house still, but- I am not there anymore, I know I'm not."

"Good, how do you know you're not there?"

"Hands..." He looked at the hand on his own then he touched the floor with his free hand "Wooden floor... It's warmer than the ceramic floor of the white house..." He looked up, breathing shakily, teas still streaming down his face. "The- the roof is a lot shorter... Is more closed"

"Do you feel trapped? Do you want us to go somewhere open?" Quackity shook his head as fast as he could. "No, i want to stay here..."

"I know I'm not at the white house... Because it's warm... And smells sweet... Where am I, why is there such a sweet smell?"

"We made apple pie earlier today, remember?"

"W--- we?" Confusion settled on his eyes, and looked at the man in front of him, genuinely looking at him for the first time. "We?-- Tech-Technoblade?" He smiled softly and nodded looking at his partner.

"Yeah, yeah it's me. You're safe now, birdy"

"Techno... I can feel-- i can feel his hands on my arms." He looked at him, still crying and grabbing the collar of his shirt, the older hugged him, not too tight and careful to not startle him. "Nails... I can feel nails digging on my skin." Techno cringed at those words, because he knew those weren't a phantom sensation of Schlatt’s hands, it was the so-very real feeling of his hands grabbing Quackity.

"That- that was me... I grabbed you." He felt how Quackity opened his eyes suddenly, how he tensed under his touch, how his hands let go of his shirt.

"It was you." Quackity pushed him, he let himself be pushed, falling back and stabilizing himself with his arms, Quacking was against a wall looking at him with terrorized eyes. "Why?"

"I am sorry, Quackity. I am sorry, I mean it. I was mad and didn't realize I was hurting you." But Quackity was crying again and he looked so hurted, so small and hopeless, it made Techno's heart ache.

"You- hurt me. And... I- i asked you to stop." He felt like he couldn't  
see, tears blurring his vision.

"I know! I know... Love, please. I am sorry." Quackity felt the man in front of him move, but didn't open his eyes, not even when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He felt so small, again.

"Why... Why is it always like this?" He mumbled and Techno felt like crying,he was nothing like the man who hurt the bird, he didn't want to be the next one he had night terrors about.

"No no, darling, I- I am not- " How could he excuse himself? He did hurt him, he did make him cry, he did scare him. What could he say that was enough for redemption?

" I'm sorry, Techno. I am sorry." The older felt sick, he felt the hands clinging to his shirt, the ugly cries and sobs against his chest, the despair in Quackity's voice.

"Don't apologise!" He couldn't hold back the tears anymore, he hugged his lover while crying against his neck, begging him to stop apologizing. "It's not your fault, Quackity. It's not, it's mine. I'm sorry, I should have never touched you like that, or said those things." They hugged, feeling like they were going to tear apart each other’s clothes.

Silent tears streaming down Techno's face, He let Quackity cling onto him, letting everything out against his chest.

Both were scared and hurting. Both were looking for the familiar comfort of their hugs. It was different. Quackity was not used to Techno's soft cries. Technoblade was not used to be the one to trigger Quackity's flashbacks.

It felt like things were not over, their conversation was not over, but it was so comfortable to ignore their problems. It felt so nice to hug each other, closer than ever. They were going to talk, they both knew it, but now? They needed to whisper soft words into each other's ears.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!!! Did you enjoy it??  
> Please let me know :]


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